Real Conversation at Purdue University: Overcoming Stereotypes

I barely had time to ask, "what do you think about abortion?" before she launched. For a few minutes, she unloaded on me with a constant stream of accusations. She was livid and she wanted me to know about the injustices that "people like [me]" were committing against unsuspecting pro-choicers.

At first, there seemed to be very little space for me to use the three skills I had been taught in the Justice For All seminar before outreach: 1) Ask questions with an open heart. 2) Listen to understand. 3) Find common ground where possible.

I employed the listening skill first. In her view, the pro-life movement was abusing women's health institutions, "demanding they close their doors because 'the hallways aren't wide enough.'" She had a list of complaints, but eventually she began to slow her tirade, realizing that I wasn't getting angry or contradicting her.

Finding common ground was difficult, but there were opportunities. "I agree that there have been injustices committed by both sides." When she described the attacks on clinics, I could freely say,  "Our organization does not condone any violence. We respect all life, especially yours." That caught her off guard and I think that was the first time she caught her breath in minutes. Her tone became more gentle, turning sad. She connected to this issue on a personal level.

She had a friend who helped to calm her down. If Kylie* was the pro-choice representative, and I was the pro-life rep, then Sarah was the middle ground. She didn't really know what she believed.

Since we had established that I didn't hate them, I asked a few questions. What would be a good solution to the problems they saw with certain laws? We talked about the adoption system and found more common ground there. What should be done to help women through their pregnancies? We thought through the difficulties of hypothetical pregnancies and I listened as they came up with good alternatives all on their own. I looked back over the past few minutes and noted aloud that we were having a civilized discussion even though we believed different things. Sarah excitedly agreed with me and Kylie frowned, but thanked me for listening to her.

"I hope I gave you something to think about," Kylie said as she walked away. "You did," I said, "And I hope I did the same for you."

Sarah smiled back at me as they left.

*Names changed