On Second Thoughts

 Dear Friend,

You know when you have a thought that enters your mind immediately upon hearing something or seeing someone, and you think, “Wow, I’m not sure why I thought that. That was a bizarre thought. I don’t appreciate that that came into my mind.” Follow me here. I call this a First Thought.

That internal questioning that says, “Hmm, why did I think that?” is one example of a Second Thought. This is a fundamental aspect of maturing as a person.

We’re all taught things, raised with ideas. Some of those ideas are beautiful and good and shape us to be stronger when challenged. Good ideas like trusting God first and looking before you cross the street can become instinctual First Thoughts if they’re ingrained early enough. Other first thoughts, however, are toxic. An example would be a thought of judging someone’s actions without discernment. Another example would be rude thoughts without consideration. Some forms of racism and sexism come from this First Thought category. Somewhere along the way, we absorb the belief that those clothes are “ugly” or that hairstyle is “awful.” These examples are only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes these First Thoughts are insidious, causing harm to our psyche or resulting in harm to others when acted on. 

When I first began doing pro-life work, I judged women who had abortions as murderers – evil women who wanted to kill children. After speaking to women who had unexpected pregnancies, challenging life circumstances, or who had actually sought out abortions, the Second Thoughts started to emerge. When I judged someone “without thinking,” I addressed that thought: “I don’t want to think things like that automatically. I want to learn more about this person and have compassion.” 

Without Second Thoughts, the mind runs about like a child in a grocery store: “Ew, Mom, what’s wrong with her face?” With maturing and conscious effort to address prejudice, the mind stands still and ponders, “I feel concern. Concern for many people: the unborn, the women, this person standing before me. How do I love them all and extend to them the heart of Jesus?”

This transformation of thought takes work. Making Second Thoughts into instinctual habit takes years of re-learning, exposure to uncomfortable ideas, abandoning our pride before the throne of God. I still have so many First Thoughts. As a new mom, some First Thoughts about parenting are rearing their ugly heads, and I need compassion from people around me as I learn to re-train my mind, turning judgment into discernment and care. The good news is that I (and you!) can work on developing the habit of Second Thoughts that counteract these First Thoughts, causing them to recede into the background, and hopefully causing them to pop up less and less as Second Thoughts take their place. 

As a pro-life speaker, trainer, and conversationalist, Second Thoughts are my passion. If I want to have a good conversation with someone with whom I may have disagreements, I have to put aside judgmental thoughts first and say to myself, “On second thought, how can I love them first?”

I challenge you to do the same.